Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The need to chill
Anxiety is overwhelming lately, and I can hear the rapturing of something at the corner of my eye. But I still don't know if it's for the better or worse.
Things are a-OK, but I can't revel in the comfort of things, and I'm having Veronika Decides to Die sentiments. The emotional roller coaster of 喜怒哀楽 kidoairaku (ki = happiness, do = anger, ai = sadness, raku = jovialness) has worn me out.
Brief moments of joy pass in seeing old faces, jammin' on gourds (or other percussion instruments found at my colleague's apartment), the best cupcake in the world, dancing, and finding out that somebody loves me.
I am ever restless, however. Why is it that we can't be happy when you know somebody else is not? Not on a personal level, but the negativity in the world bites. The comfort of present life is not so sweet any more. I hate having to grow a tougher skin, because it makes me question why we need to do so in the first place.
On a lighter note, I'm inspired by the bright eyes I have met recently. Laura is a kind and good friend who is starting a new life in Chicago; Jingwei has become quite the worldly traveler, seeing her home country in a new way; met some of the Madison crew (finally) - Mixmaster, Bruni, Burbs, and Jenna; and Lars is blogging again (I wholeheartedly concurr with his perception of Shanghai).
I'll drift away again in few more months. I'm really liking Emir's discipline and life choice. All I want to do is to start walking into the sunset with a guitar (or a violin?) on my back... Be happy, simplify life, and do the boogaloo - that's what I'll do.
Things are a-OK, but I can't revel in the comfort of things, and I'm having Veronika Decides to Die sentiments. The emotional roller coaster of 喜怒哀楽 kidoairaku (ki = happiness, do = anger, ai = sadness, raku = jovialness) has worn me out.
Brief moments of joy pass in seeing old faces, jammin' on gourds (or other percussion instruments found at my colleague's apartment), the best cupcake in the world, dancing, and finding out that somebody loves me.
I am ever restless, however. Why is it that we can't be happy when you know somebody else is not? Not on a personal level, but the negativity in the world bites. The comfort of present life is not so sweet any more. I hate having to grow a tougher skin, because it makes me question why we need to do so in the first place.
On a lighter note, I'm inspired by the bright eyes I have met recently. Laura is a kind and good friend who is starting a new life in Chicago; Jingwei has become quite the worldly traveler, seeing her home country in a new way; met some of the Madison crew (finally) - Mixmaster, Bruni, Burbs, and Jenna; and Lars is blogging again (I wholeheartedly concurr with his perception of Shanghai).
I'll drift away again in few more months. I'm really liking Emir's discipline and life choice. All I want to do is to start walking into the sunset with a guitar (or a violin?) on my back... Be happy, simplify life, and do the boogaloo - that's what I'll do.
// posted by sakit @ 8:12 PM 
