Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Bum-mer...
When I read this, I instantly thought of one racial group: black women. As racy as that may sound, I envy them with every bit of my non-existant derriere.
You see, having a lot of mass in the back, is VERY different from having a nice and perky booty. Without revealing too much, I'd have to say that I identify with the Asian women who lament the vertical drop of death behind their backs. Skinny, fat, tall, or gravity challenged, when you don't have a booty, you feel like you're missing something in natural design. I can comfortably attest that I have the hip to take out a rhino, but still, feel like I don't have the voluptuous rump to match the bone frame.
So I pondered. If I had the chance to get the gluteus-maximus of my dreams (even if artificial), would I do it? A Brazilian plastic surgery was a little out of my pocket's reach... but £29. Hmm... Not completely un-doable. At the embarrassment of fashioning a Bridget Jones granny knickers, you could get a shelf too! (Side note: I remember a boy in my high school who literally had a "shelf" on his back. People could sit on Johnny K's bottom. Now that's a booty).
In all vanity, I think I would be more balanced if I had perky buttocks. It's a great feature. And if someone wanted to squeeze right next to me on a train, I could say, "Sorry, my booty is already sitting here." And the days I don't feel like dressing particularly nice, I can just put on tight jeans, and my booty would do all the talking. People would come up to me and say, "Hey, you look kind of exhaust.... Heeeeeey! Your booty's bright and perky today!"
My milkshake would bring all the boys to the yard. Oh yes, it would.
You see, having a lot of mass in the back, is VERY different from having a nice and perky booty. Without revealing too much, I'd have to say that I identify with the Asian women who lament the vertical drop of death behind their backs. Skinny, fat, tall, or gravity challenged, when you don't have a booty, you feel like you're missing something in natural design. I can comfortably attest that I have the hip to take out a rhino, but still, feel like I don't have the voluptuous rump to match the bone frame.
So I pondered. If I had the chance to get the gluteus-maximus of my dreams (even if artificial), would I do it? A Brazilian plastic surgery was a little out of my pocket's reach... but £29. Hmm... Not completely un-doable. At the embarrassment of fashioning a Bridget Jones granny knickers, you could get a shelf too! (Side note: I remember a boy in my high school who literally had a "shelf" on his back. People could sit on Johnny K's bottom. Now that's a booty).
In all vanity, I think I would be more balanced if I had perky buttocks. It's a great feature. And if someone wanted to squeeze right next to me on a train, I could say, "Sorry, my booty is already sitting here." And the days I don't feel like dressing particularly nice, I can just put on tight jeans, and my booty would do all the talking. People would come up to me and say, "Hey, you look kind of exhaust.... Heeeeeey! Your booty's bright and perky today!"
My milkshake would bring all the boys to the yard. Oh yes, it would.
// posted by sakit @ 11:24 AM 
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God bless you Saki!
There are two alternative suggestions:
- college approach: Drink a lot of beer and eat a pizza just before going to bed every night
- office approach: sit at a desk all day and it will grow bigger. I can hear my own ass growing fatter.
There are two alternative suggestions:
- college approach: Drink a lot of beer and eat a pizza just before going to bed every night
- office approach: sit at a desk all day and it will grow bigger. I can hear my own ass growing fatter.
I think I would go with option B, since I am no where ready to go back to school yet.
All I need to do is sit on a mold so that it has proper guidance for growth. Much like the square watermellons in Japan.
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All I need to do is sit on a mold so that it has proper guidance for growth. Much like the square watermellons in Japan.
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