Thursday, April 28, 2005
materialist buddhist, genocide, and a peace of mind
I had an interesting day today. I accomplished little, but learned a lot.
Meeting up with an old friend enlightened me about the hardships of life and how one overcomes it. Pursuing a double Ph.D. in ancient Japanese literature (koten) and Buddhist studies - a world of academia far removed from mine. He was also involved in the fashion industry for a while, with interesting encounters with president of Cartier and Naomi Cambell. Long hours of meditation and scripture reading in -10C weather to overcome a break-up. Being bed-ridden for a year with a disease that eats you away. Broken marriages. Broken hearts. Having to worry where you hide the kitchen knife at night.
The real intent of going back to Berkeley today was to go to a screening of a PBS documentary on Rwanda. 800,000 (probably more) people killed in the genocide. The muddling of the international community: the fear of Mogadishu part deux. Hidden heroes. Tormented minds. How do you sleep at night? *I have to write a separate entry when I regroup my thoughts.
The guilt haunts me sometimes - still. But do I tell? The wide eyes inquire more - "what did you do? what was it like?" My identity is at stake: am I the girl who survived the tsunami? The cowardly girl who did not do anything to help? Why am I still alive? Why are those families torn apart? Why are they dead? Why didn't him/her/it take me? Why? Why? Why?
Take a breath. Everybody is trying hard to stay alive. Telling my story is just one way to bring it closer. Make it real. For those who didn't live and those who are trying hard to live.
It has been a while since I felt so emotional.
Meeting up with an old friend enlightened me about the hardships of life and how one overcomes it. Pursuing a double Ph.D. in ancient Japanese literature (koten) and Buddhist studies - a world of academia far removed from mine. He was also involved in the fashion industry for a while, with interesting encounters with president of Cartier and Naomi Cambell. Long hours of meditation and scripture reading in -10C weather to overcome a break-up. Being bed-ridden for a year with a disease that eats you away. Broken marriages. Broken hearts. Having to worry where you hide the kitchen knife at night.
The real intent of going back to Berkeley today was to go to a screening of a PBS documentary on Rwanda. 800,000 (probably more) people killed in the genocide. The muddling of the international community: the fear of Mogadishu part deux. Hidden heroes. Tormented minds. How do you sleep at night? *I have to write a separate entry when I regroup my thoughts.
The guilt haunts me sometimes - still. But do I tell? The wide eyes inquire more - "what did you do? what was it like?" My identity is at stake: am I the girl who survived the tsunami? The cowardly girl who did not do anything to help? Why am I still alive? Why are those families torn apart? Why are they dead? Why didn't him/her/it take me? Why? Why? Why?
Take a breath. Everybody is trying hard to stay alive. Telling my story is just one way to bring it closer. Make it real. For those who didn't live and those who are trying hard to live.
It has been a while since I felt so emotional.
// posted by sakit @ 12:57 AM 
