Made in Japan, Outsourced Globally

I have refrained from drawing any conclusions of all this - and perhaps there is nothing one can conclude - it's all a continuation.

I have had a lot on my mind lately - and my mood shifts all the time. It's like taking a breath - the rise and fall, all natural, of a human being. Everything kind of whirls around - so many thoughts.

There was a lot to think about on many different levels and scopes - let me try to dissect this and describe it to the best of my ability.

STATE OF MY BEING
Physically, I have gotten over it - my appetite has returned although my stomach has shrunk and I can't finish anything when I go out (good news for diet :). The first couple days, I was nauseous at the smell or thought of any food and was going to pass out (especially the smell of oily Cantonese food in the streets - ick).

Mentally, I have stopped having nightmares and have significantly reduced outbursts during the day. It strikes unexpectedly and I almost feel like a third person watching myself break down. When I am with friends, I tend to be very cheery, although they later tell me that I look down and depressed. It just takes time.

SO LUCKY IN EVERY WAY
Thank you, thank you, thank you! A lot of people have been sending e-mails, texts, phone calls, and comments that have helped pick me up. I was lucky getting out of this incident, but I am also very lucky that there are people who care for me. I also appreciate the on-land support I'm getting here in Hong Kong - thanks guys. Even the smallest hellos brighten my day. Thank you!

KEVIN'S THOUGHTS
I have to mention my fellow Wheeling buddy Kevin's comment. He wrote:

I was thinking, wow!, it's so hard to really make a positive difference. And then I really thought about how easy it is to make a negative difference, how easy it is to hurt. How easy it is to cause damage and break people, and relationships down.

He was on to something - and in my own interpretation given the context, I want to say, "Why do we keep on creating strife and damage by human intention and error - when we already have nature dealing its hand. If we are grieving over the terror that nature can induce, what can this grief do for something we can actually control?" I echo what Rajiv wrote in his letter.

ON LIVING
I have now faced death twice in my life - the first time was bad enough to shake the core of my beliefs. Life experiences can really change the way a person lives - so when the tsunami disaster struck and the hand of death came close this time, I actually had little to regret.

Some people may think I'm a cynic and a horrible person when I say this, but I really didn't have any regret in light of this disaster. Asked if something changed in me from this experience, it's hard to say "yes, I appreciate things more. I learned so much." Because I already knew what was important to me and I have communicated and continue to communicate love to the ones I care about. I just live honestly - a Japanese way of saying this is "sunao ni ikiru."

That's not to say that I wasn't thinking how sad it would make my parents, friends, and colleagues if I ceased to exist. It would be terrible making them feel sad and vulnerable.

In my honest words, the core of who I am has not changed. I keep on wanting to make positive differences in the world, learn more, love more, and live life to the fullest. It just seems silly for me to live timidly and fear the unknown or something beyond control. That is my belief and it's still standing.

WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS
Africa. Well, some of you know that I am in the process for applying for the Peace Corps. And I've been bumbling a little about Africa. Over the course of the Christmas holiday, the Peace Corps recruiter told me that now I am in the running for the NGO development position for the HIV/AIDS program in... Africa (yes, the continent. No country assignment decided yet).

This news has set a new goal for me to polish up on my edumacation and reread some articles and books. This is also keeping my spirits up that I am A) pursuing something I have always studied and wanted to do and B) while not jumping to go to the tsunami relief, I will be committing 2 years of my life to something that will help in the humanitarian side of things in the world. It sounds like balancing karma to me.

I am also aware that I have to stay realistic about this - no Peace Corps volunteeer in a country for 2 years will cure AIDS or uplift an entire village from poverty. And I am not one to gleam with idealism twinkling in my eyes - I've gotten over that phase. But there will be an impact no matter what - and I wholeheartedly believe in that.

LOVE IS ALWAYS APPROPRIATE
I like this phrase a lot. I bought two books while I was in Phuket Airport - "Words of Wisdom" and "The Art of Happiness" by H.H. the Dalai Lama. Having experienced so much in over 24 hours, the books seemed apt. While I was furiously writing my book (the narrative) on The Economist, I looked for words by the wise that fit the theme. This just fit so well.

One of the things that I did a lot while I was at the evacuation camp was smile. Given the circumstance, most people looked nervous and conversations grew dim (and the language barrier made it hard) - so most of us greeted each other with smiles. I distinctly remember a Swiss man who kept on smiling to cheer everyone up - everywhere I looked, people tried to keep spirits up with their crinkle in their eyes and smiling lips.

Walking in the streets of Hong Kong, I see people bustling and seriously concentrating on something. Stern frowns or unflinching gazes. So I smile. Why not? I know that if it was in the US, people will grin back or at least give a shy smile. It's harder to get a smile out of people in Asia because it's not a part of the culture to look into a stranger's eyes or to make expressions in public. But I smile anyway :)

NEWS AND AID
For a while, I wasn't able to read or watch the news. To be absolutely honest, I have watched little of the footages on video - I just don't turn on the TV any more. But I do read the papers. And when I start, I can't stop. Some stories make my heart jump or my breath stop. Others, I read over and over again, but nothing processes. There's no consistency or a rule to this - I just let information go through and some I retain while others just flush out of my system.

From a development perspective, the debt reduction topic is most intriguing. Here we are, post-Cold War era, and the geopolitics seemed no longer a big enough incentive to do a huge humanitarian favor. I'm not going make a judgement call just yet, but it is a very interesting form of international assistance. On one hand, debt reduction can do a huge favor to the development to a country. On another, if a government does not have the capability or a good plan, any aid or support is going to flop.

In my little head, it really comes down to how constructive each government can make use of the debt reduction and aid. Debt freeze is at least expected in emergency crisis - and some countries were realistically not thinking about repaying debt for a decade or so. One tragic news in this context is that Maldives was taken off of UN's list of least developed countries 6 days before it was hit. Now it is back on again - and half of Maldive's economy depended on fishing and tourism. I will definitely be following this topic.

WHAT AM I DOING?
Following the conversation on nomadlife, I feel like I need to get quickly back on my feet and go out and do something. The least that I could do was bring it home to the people I know - sending on the story, asking them to donate. Even my Chinese colleagues read the lengthy narrative - they all said that they read it with a dictionary in hand!

AIESEC in Hong Kong is running a fundraising effort, creating a CD with a song, photos, and information on the tsunami. They will be inviting their alumni and community to come - where UNICEF representatives will be describing the relief efforts and I will be making a speech. I don't know how much my presence will help, but I hope to rally up those willing to listen to make a contribution.

So all righty... I'm outie. Oh, and I'm also looking forward to my Southeast Asia backpacking trip in March! If anybody is heading to this side of the world from Feb 24 - March 31, let me know. saki_takasu1@yahoo.com

// posted by sakit @ 10:58 PM