Monday, December 20, 2004
'Bartender. One epiphany, please'
Over the weekend, I had an epiphany.
It all started when I came to the office on Saturday afternoon, after the usual hangover Friday. I started reading Jesse and Surya's weblog, and then went on to read my options for the Peace Corps again. I initially came into the office to get some work done (which I missed, because I was working on the company Christmas party OC half the day Fri - an extra end of the year stress for me). But I just could not get myself to do any work, because a question popped into my head: what am I doing here?
I had signed myself up to 18 months of corporate traineeship, and I had a very good reason to do so. But somewhere along the way, I had lost track of why I was doing this. Why was I in Hong Kong and not off to an obscure corner of the world doing field work in a developing country? Why am I in the midst of a capitalist gung-ho world despite my heart?
It all became a bit too painful when I remembered how I used to delve my nose into academic readers and theories of economic development - some decent miracles in the Third World; more often than not, failures and development disasters caused by war, free trade (misnomered by the global North), diseases, uneven political and social structures, etc.
The mind-numbing corporate agenda was what I toiled for all day, and in the end of the day, I was all too tired to devote my brain cells to all the interesting stuff I used to muse about. Fortunate for me, that feeling came back - almost thawed - when I read Jesse and Surya's narratives in Nigeria (huge hugs to you guys).
So that was my initial step - but I suddenly realized WHY I was still here.
Back in the university days, I was profuse with these theories and lived in an intellectual bubble where I could devote 120% of my time and energy to all the jargon that my cranium desired - but what of the rest of the world? I had to know what the other side was like. What are the thoughts and actions of the MNCs? How are the HR/FDI/marketing/outsourcing decisions that influence so many livelihoods on all corners of the earth made? I felt that I could not speak of development without seeing both sides of the coin.
As I continued to discover the good, the bad, the ugly of corporate globalization, I was eager to learn and absorb. To understand things from a specific perspective and see things in a different light.
(here comes the epiphany part)
Accidentally, I also stumbled on a realization that my ties that I have created over the past 15 months will amount to much more than just my learning as an individual. The connections that I have made will continue if I desire it - and I will be a bridge to a very very different world (if I go through with this Peace Corps thing).
The people that I have met here in Hong Kong and within my company are very nice. Some live in Southeast Asia and India where they live adjacent to various development issues. But equally, there are people who are in a certain American capitalistic paradigm and have an enormous influence on what goes on in the global manufacturing sector. AND they also have at least some interest in where I am going.
They are the people whom I want to impact as I continue this journey. It may all seem very simple, and somehow I knew it all along. But the difference is that I recognize that I have the potential to influence, and the scope of my impact has now connected to my next step in life. My stubborness to justify why I am here has enlightened me in a different way - a new motivation and an agenda I will continue to work on.
It all started when I came to the office on Saturday afternoon, after the usual hangover Friday. I started reading Jesse and Surya's weblog, and then went on to read my options for the Peace Corps again. I initially came into the office to get some work done (which I missed, because I was working on the company Christmas party OC half the day Fri - an extra end of the year stress for me). But I just could not get myself to do any work, because a question popped into my head: what am I doing here?
I had signed myself up to 18 months of corporate traineeship, and I had a very good reason to do so. But somewhere along the way, I had lost track of why I was doing this. Why was I in Hong Kong and not off to an obscure corner of the world doing field work in a developing country? Why am I in the midst of a capitalist gung-ho world despite my heart?
It all became a bit too painful when I remembered how I used to delve my nose into academic readers and theories of economic development - some decent miracles in the Third World; more often than not, failures and development disasters caused by war, free trade (misnomered by the global North), diseases, uneven political and social structures, etc.
The mind-numbing corporate agenda was what I toiled for all day, and in the end of the day, I was all too tired to devote my brain cells to all the interesting stuff I used to muse about. Fortunate for me, that feeling came back - almost thawed - when I read Jesse and Surya's narratives in Nigeria (huge hugs to you guys).
So that was my initial step - but I suddenly realized WHY I was still here.
Back in the university days, I was profuse with these theories and lived in an intellectual bubble where I could devote 120% of my time and energy to all the jargon that my cranium desired - but what of the rest of the world? I had to know what the other side was like. What are the thoughts and actions of the MNCs? How are the HR/FDI/marketing/outsourcing decisions that influence so many livelihoods on all corners of the earth made? I felt that I could not speak of development without seeing both sides of the coin.
As I continued to discover the good, the bad, the ugly of corporate globalization, I was eager to learn and absorb. To understand things from a specific perspective and see things in a different light.
(here comes the epiphany part)
Accidentally, I also stumbled on a realization that my ties that I have created over the past 15 months will amount to much more than just my learning as an individual. The connections that I have made will continue if I desire it - and I will be a bridge to a very very different world (if I go through with this Peace Corps thing).
The people that I have met here in Hong Kong and within my company are very nice. Some live in Southeast Asia and India where they live adjacent to various development issues. But equally, there are people who are in a certain American capitalistic paradigm and have an enormous influence on what goes on in the global manufacturing sector. AND they also have at least some interest in where I am going.
They are the people whom I want to impact as I continue this journey. It may all seem very simple, and somehow I knew it all along. But the difference is that I recognize that I have the potential to influence, and the scope of my impact has now connected to my next step in life. My stubborness to justify why I am here has enlightened me in a different way - a new motivation and an agenda I will continue to work on.
// posted by sakit @ 1:03 AM 
Comments:
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Wow..Really enjoyed your comments. I had a very similiar feelings over the past several months myself. Hopefully at the end of the day when I look back over my life, I will be able to measure it by the amount of people that I helped and not my position in Corporate America. I've realized that I sold out ALL of values.
People like you apsire to make the world a better place; you can achieve that by the steps that you plotted out herein.
How much are you willing to give to pursue this goal?
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People like you apsire to make the world a better place; you can achieve that by the steps that you plotted out herein.
How much are you willing to give to pursue this goal?
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